The Adolescence of a Lesbian Girl: Mur Mur of Youth

Adolescence brings sudden and drastic changes for everyone. Still, for lesbian girls, it means more than just physical growth or the development of a woman’s curves—it also marks the awakening of same-sex desire. This realization often brings immediate pain and self-repression, as she becomes aware of having a different orientation and set of boundaries from the majority.

In An Oral History of Older Lesbians in Hong Kong, a lesbian named Ah Bo recalls holding another girl’s hand for the first time in a cinema. Surrounded by darkness, she wasn’t paying attention to the film. She quietly reached out and took the other girl’s hand, who didn’t pull away. “I didn’t dare hold it for too long, afraid she’d be annoyed.” So Ah Bo let go on her own.

In the film Murmur of Youth (1997), the protagonist, Zeng Meili, kisses the neck of the girl she likes for the first time. Immediately afterwards, she apologises, saying she doesn’t know why she did it. But the other girl replies, “I didn’t find it unpleasant at all.”

Later, the two go to Zeng’s home. Sitting on the bed, they tentatively reach for each other with their fingers. The next scene shows them under a showerhead, holding one another, slowly turning in silence. The film avoids explicit imagery—the embrace beneath the shower is less about carnal desire than it is about mutual comfort amid silent suffering, two bodies clinging together beneath the rain of longing.

On the third morning, Zeng wakes up alone. The girl has already gone, leaving a note that reads:

“At 4 a.m. I watched your beautiful body… Thank you for reminding me, even in old age, of your youthful and lovely form. That’s enough. If we want more, neither of us could bear it.”

In the final scene, Zeng boards a train alone, heading to the girl’s countryside home. She walks slowly uphill. Love has only just begun, but already, she understands—this path will not be smooth.

Film Still from Mur Mur of Youth

Mur Mur of Youth Poster 1

Mur Mur of Youth Poster 2